Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
