once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
