TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
