How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
