Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
