she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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