i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
