I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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