Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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