Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
