How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Found your dick twin last night
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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