I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
