dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
