And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
