do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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