the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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