well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I have aggressive nipples.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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