Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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