How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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