Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
