so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I looked at my own cervix.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
