I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
