i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
