She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
