someone get that fucking seahorse.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
