i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
