I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
