batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
