Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
