P.S. I can't hear my feet
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Send help, water and tortillas.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
