Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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