I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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