I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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