I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
