omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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