What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
