Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
