Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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