she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize