i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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