i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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