omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
