im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
