Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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