Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
