I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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