Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
