I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
two words: eviction party
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
