I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
