you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
