Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
