Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
