i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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