Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize