we're chasing vodka with high fives
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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