I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
