haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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