hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
