her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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