it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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