She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
