as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize