i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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