"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
