HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
NoShamevember. You game?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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