I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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