mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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