We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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