I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
