I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
