My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
