Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize