Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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