I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
