Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
