Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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