yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
