What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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