Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
