whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
