3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
