am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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