..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
