I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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