Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
