i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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