the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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