Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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