it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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